To Worry or Not To Worry

I explained a little this past week or so about this knot in my chest. I know some of you are going "what exactly does she mean by this?" I know because my own family and friends are saying the same thing. One sister finally just said it outright. She asked " why are you saying it that way? Are you just not wanting to say you have a lump in your breast so that you don't have to say it out loud?" Yes lol, that's exactly what i'm doing.

It's like saying it out loud makes it more real somehow. It doesn't hurt anymore, the size keeps changing and there are no other symptoms so i do truly feel that this is nothing to worry about. I'm not just saying that to make myself or anyone else feel better. I honestly believe this is something simple.

What i can't seem to get past so far are my moods. I don't know if it's stress or just hormone's but i'm really bitchy. Maybe it's a combination of both? I know i am hating the fact that i have to wait til the 27th to find out and maybe that's what is doing me in.

It could also be that Ash, my daughter, overheard me discussing it and she is upset. I didn't realize how much til shecalled my former step-daughter Rachel, who we are all very close to and was crying to her about it. Thank Goodness Rachel is as wonderful as she is and called to check on me and let me know what Ash had said. We talked about it and i THINK she's feeling better about the whole thing. I hope anyway.

I've tried to make things as normal as possible. We planted a small flower garden and are having a great time counting the seedlings that are coming up. We planted some tomatoes in pots and some herbs as well. I taught her about transplanting my ivy and things that i normally just go do myself. Hoping that maybe by including her in my quiet time she'll be a little more comfortable.

The boys are all dealing with it by refusing to discuss it with her lol. They told her "if we don't make a big deal of it, then it's not a big deal". At least they seem to be okay so far and hopefully will stay that way.

My sister is coning to spend the night with me the night before the tests so that she can go with me to have them done. I'm glad of that because as not worried as i am determined to be, i'd be lying if i said i think it's all hunky dory. I know logically that *I* could be wrong in my feelings on the matter but what would come of worrying about it?

Soooooooooo, for those who care.........pray for me and my family jusssssssssssst in case please and for those who wish it to be bad.........well you can kiss my big white ass lol. I already said i'd live just to piss you off. I wasn't kidding.

Okay, through whining now, back to fun stuff and work ......ugh.